Sitting in a pool of thoughts. I text you. You respond. We make casual conversation. I want to see you but I don’t say that. Instead I overthink. Overthink my comfortability with another individual. Overthink how normal it is to enjoy spending time with someone new. That life has so many moments, that a bit of escape isn’t too bad.

I text, ‘is it pathetic that I feel lonely?‘ Before I select send, I think. I am lonely. The idea of being alone is comforting but to be lonely… Lonely is a mixed of emotions. It’s that point where self-reflection becomes isolation and now you’re so deep in a shell that is just you.

Loneliness is just a feeling. Nothing to be ashamed of. In the midst of quarantine, injustice, and daily life barriers we could use a relief. Humans desire interactions. I desire interactions that are desirable.

Back to the story, I follow my sentence with ‘I could really use a friend’. And send. Message delivered.

There I said it. A friend. A strong emphasis on the benefits normally but tonight I wanted the friend to be bold. I waited to see if you understood. Because it was 10-ish with dark clear skies. And we all know the routine when you get a call after hours. But I wasn’t on that.

10:46. Message Read. Three dots appear and then disappear. Damn what are you about to type. I don’t want you to overthink too. I don’t want you to feel disappointed that I don’t want more. Or that I used the friend term loosely. Because I didn’t. I take friendships seriously, I take you seriously. But, I’m not looking for a mask, or a saviour from my own pain, but a listener. Let’s talk, let’s switch roles. Let me hear all the thoughts that you keep bottled up because you don’t trust those seeing you vulnerable. I can relate.

And you responded. “I can be that. I’m on the way.”